


They Call Me Deacon Blues

by Janie_17



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, because write what you know, harry makes playlists, idk man this is my first larry fic, kind of an elevated version of a songfic, louis is a barista but it's barely relevant, please be nice to me, set somewhere East Coast USA, they are 24 and 26, totally forgot to give Harry a job
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 06:20:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19245553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janie_17/pseuds/Janie_17
Summary: “This is your moping music, Harry. Don’t even try to deny it. And I happen to know for a fact that the only thing that dampens your freakishly bright spirits is a certain barista.” He had a point--not that Harry would ever admit it out loud. The barista in question also happened to be his roommate, best friend, and the unrequited love of his life.orTwo idiots in love, inventing problems where there are none.





	They Call Me Deacon Blues

**Author's Note:**

> So this is kind of a departure from what I usually do. I'm much more comfortable working with imaginary characters, but this came to me after a serious night of binge-reading and had to be written. Big thanks to my favorite co-worker for the help straightening out the plot. I owe you one, hun. 
> 
> The title is a reference to the song Harry is listening to in the beginning, "Deacon Blues" by Steely Dan of their album Aja. I really recommend listening to it, it is one of my favorite songs for when I want to be sad. 
> 
> Yeah, so let's get this thing moving.

Harry sighed as the door to the apartment slammed, shoving the photo under his pillow. The slam of the door was a tell tale sign that it was Niall, letting himself in. And he certainly didn’t need him to see the picture he’d been staring at for the past hour. He didn’t bother turning down the music that was currently filling his room, knowing Niall would do it for him. 

 

“What did Louis do this time?” his friend asked, entering Harry’s bedroom and grabbing the stereo remote off the bedside table and hitting mute. 

 

“What makes you think he did anything?” He groaned as Niall rolled his eyes. 

 

“This is your moping music, Harry. Don’t even try to deny it. And I happen to know for a fact that the only thing that dampens your freakishly bright spirits is a certain barista.” He had a point--not that Harry would ever admit it out loud. The barista in question also happened to be his roommate, best friend, and the unrequited love of his life. He shrugged. 

 

“Just a rough day.” 

 

“It’s only noon,” the other man pointed out.”  _ Shit, _ he thought.  _ Fine, maybe Niall was right _ . And he hated when Niall was right. Niall, apparently, could sense his internal struggle and continued, “Look. We both know you’re in love with him so just tell me what happened so I can help you plan a course of action. Sitting here listening to Metal Stan-” 

 

“Steely Dan,” Harry corrected. 

 

“Whatever it is. It isn’t going to help.” Harry began to object and was met with a fierce look. “I’m serious, Harry. You need to do something about this thing you two have. It isn’t healthy. Now what did he do?”

 

“Lou didn’t come home last night. And it’s none of my business, but…” He sighed again. 

 

“But it upsets you anyways. Have you considered that he probably just crashed at Zayn’s place after too much beer and pizza?” Before Harry could respond his phone buzzed. “Let me guess,” Niall said with a frown, “It’s Louis.” 

 

Harry unlocked his phone with a swipe and opened the message, choosing to ignore his friend. 

 

**Lou <3: ** What are you doing

 

He shot back a quick response of, “not much, whats up?” before looking back up at his friend who was still frowning slightly. 

 

“I can’t tell you what to do, but if my opinion matters, I think you should just talk to him. At least tell him you like him. And you might be surprised by the response. I can’t be the only one to have noticed how weird you two have been acting around each other for the last few months.” 

 

Harry flopped backwards onto his back and shoved his palms into his closed eyes until he saw stars. Of course Niall had noticed, he was always at their apartment. He just hadn’t wanted to believe anything was different between himself and Lou and had been pretending things would go back to normal. Surely it would work itself out. But it had been two months and thirteen days since they had cuddled as usual after a long day. Not that he’d been counting. Harry thought back to that night. They had been out with the boys for drinks earlier in the evening and Louis had led a stumbling Harry out of the Uber and up the stairs. Holding him steady with one arm wrapped tightly around his waist, Louis unlocked the door with his free hand. He carefully led them through the living room and into the first bedroom down the hallway, depositing Harry onto the bed. “Lou,” he’d slurred. “Cuddle me?” The older man smiled. “Course, Curly,” he said as he climbed into the bed next to him, kicking his shoes off in the process. Harry remembered laying his head on his best friend’s chest, his prefered position, and then it was a blank. When he woke up around 7am the next day Louis was gone and the bed was cold. Usually when they cuddled they would fall asleep together and pretend not to notice their serious morning wood upon waking the next morning. After all, they had been sleeping that way since they were children. But this time was different and he didn’t know why. Louis wasn’t treating him any different for the most part. He still asked him to hang out and whined until Harry cooked for him, but he didn’t sit with their thighs touching on the sofa when they played Fifa. He hadn’t touched him at all, come to think of it. Going as far as to actively avoid standing too close in case their hands brushed. He was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to cry and a sob escaped his throat. 

 

“Shit, Harry!” exclaimed Niall in concern. “I didn’t mean to upset you, man. You don’t have to tell him. I’m sorry, I won’t say anything.” He bounced on his toes, unsure how to proceed, before gathering his friend into a tight hug. “It’ll be okay.” The pair stayed that way for a few minutes until Harry’s tears slowed, Niall mumbling semi-coherent words of comfort to him. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Harry croaked. “You didn’t upset me. I just--” His phone buzzed again. Breaking away from the embrace he said, “It’s probably Louis, I should look at it.” It buzzed again. 

 

**Lou <3: ** Good. 

**Lou <3: ** Meet me at the cafe in 10

 

“Let me guess,” Niall said, “You’re ditching me?” He chuckled at the sheepish look Harry gave him in response. “Go. I’ll let myself out. But think about what I said. You two need to get it together before it affects your friendship.” 

 

Harry sighed, wiping his face on his sleeves. “I will. I can’t stand the thought of losing him as a friend, even if it means that’s all we are.” Pushing himself off the bed, he grabbed the nearest beanie and shoved it over his wild curls. “Thanks Niall, I mean it.” 

 

It only took Harry about seven minutes to get to Cup of Manna, their favorite cafe and coffee shop in the neighborhood, but the usually late Louis was already there. And if the stack of empty cups was anything to go by, he’d been there a while. Putting on a brave face, Harry opened the door and waved as he caught the other man’s eye. Louis gestured to the table, signaling that he’d already gotten Harry’s favorite, a caramel latte, add whip, with an extra pump of syrup. He sat down with a grin. 

 

“Thanks, Lou. You didn’t have to get me anything though, I could have gotten it.” He picked up the warm paper cup and took a generous sip. When he set it down he saw that he was being frowned at. 

 

“Have you been crying, Haz?” Louis asked gently. 

 

“No,” he squeaked back unconvincingly. The man’s frown deepened and Harry sighed, unable to lie to him. “A little. But it’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” He could tell that Louis wasn’t convinced but thankfully he still dropped the question. “That’s quite the collection of cups, you’ve got there, Lou. Been here a while?” Harry forced cheer into his voice. 

 

“Yeah. You could say that.” Louis grimaced. “Thanks for coming.” 

 

“Of course I came. When wouldn’t I? You’re my best friend.” 

 

“I know. But still, thank you.” Harry was incredibly confused at this point. What was he going on about? He was about to ask when Louis spoke up again. “I sort of wanted to talk to you about something. But I didn’t want to do it at the house, just in case.” 

 

Harry furrowed his brow. “In case of what? You’re not making any sense.” 

 

“Just, hear me out, okay? No interruptions.” Harry nodded skeptically. “Okay. So. I mean, we’ve been friends since forever right? And you know I would never mean to hurt you. But lately--” 

 

“Wait!” Harry snapped. “Did you just ask me here to say you don’t want to be my friend any more? Because that’s what this is sounding like.” Louis’ eyes went comically wide and he fish mouthed for a moment before his words came back to him. 

 

“No!” he shouted, loud enough to get other patrons to look their way. “No,” he repeated, softly this time. “That’s not it at all.” He reached across the table tentatively and brushed his fingers over the back of Harry’s hand. When his friend didn’t pull away he grasped it tightly and squeezed three times. “I will always be your friend as long as you want me around.” 

 

“In what world wouldn’t I want you around?” Tears were brimming back in Harry’s eyes and he used his free hand to wipe roughly at his face. He had no idea where this conversation was going. 

 

“Maybe this one?” Before Harry could interrupt again, he continued. “Just listen to what I have to say, Harry. And then decide.” Taking a deep breath he spoke again. “Lately things have been weird between us and I know you don’t understand why. I’ve been distant and I’m sorry, but I didn’t want you to be mad at me. Do you remember a couple months ago when we had to Uber home and I put you to bed?” Harry nodded cautiously, still afraid where this was headed. “Well, you passed out after we laid down and you don’t know everything that happened. I...I kissed you. Without your permission. You were passed out! It was such a skeezy thing to do, but I couldn’t help myself and I can’t live with the guilt any longer.” 

 

Harry blinked in confusion. “You...kissed me?” Louis nodded, mortification written all over his face. “Can I ask why?” His words were calm and measured. 

 

“I don’t know. No, I do. But if I tell you it could ruin everything. If I haven’t already. Honestly, Haz, why aren’t you freaking out at me?” Harry looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to answer the question. Louis’ leg was bouncing under the table, making it shake, as his downcast eyes studied the table. His voice was barely audible when he finally answered. “I did it because I love you. I’m in love with you.” His eyes flicked up to find Harry meeting his gaze. 

 

“Say it again, Lou,” Harry begged. 

 

“I’m in love with you.” 

 

At this Harry let out a sigh of relief and slouched back in his seat. “We are fucking idiots.” 

 

Louis gave him a puzzled look. “I don’t get it. Aren’t you a little weirded out at least? We’ve been friends since you were in kindergarten. Shouldn’t you be mad at me?” 

 

“I’m in love with you too, you idiot. I always have been. From the first day we met at the bus stop and you held my hand because I was scared, I’ve been in love with you. I just didn’t think you felt the same.” He smiled softly as comprehension dawned on Louis’ face. 

 

“Oh,” he said softly. 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“So, what do we do now?” 

 

“Let’s go home, Lou.” The other man nodded. In perfect unison they stood from the table. Taking a step towards him, Louis offered his hand. Harry took it into his own. 

 

They didn’t speak on their short walk home, waiting instead until they reached the apartment. Pushing closed the door, Harry asked, “Lou?” 

 

“Yeah, Hazza?” 

 

“I’m awake if you maybe wanted to kiss me for real.” A grin spread across the other man’s face. He popped up onto his tiptoes, diminishing their height difference, and leaned in. He paused, their breath mingling in the space between their lips. Placing a hand on Harry’s neck he gently pulled him closer, closing the gap. Harry groaned as their lips met, fireworks exploding in his mind. It was chaste and quick, but he was certain it was the best kiss he’d ever had. It was over all too soon, as Louis pulled away with a fierce blush on his cheeks. Lowering back onto his heels he smiled softly. He was about to speak when they heard the sound of a throat clearing. Harry’s eyes snapped back open as Louis whipped around towards the kitchen. 

 

“Hi guys,” Niall said, holding a box of leftover pizza. “I guess you worked things out, huh Harry?” 

 

“Uhhh, why are you still here?” 

 

“Thought I’d stick around on the off chance you decided to tell him and he broke your heart. I guess I didn’t need to worry though,” he shrugged. Thrusting the box forward, he asked, “Want some pizza?” 

 

“Pretty sure that’s actually mine,” Louis huffed. “Why don’t you go get your own pizza?” His tone was teasing but Harry was certain it was a command. Niall seemed to pick up on that too as he tossed the box onto the counter. 

 

“Okaaaay,” he stretched out the vowel with a roll of his eyes. “Text me later if you want to get your collective asses beat at video games.” 

 

“Later, Nialler,” Harry chirped as Louis ushered the other man out of the house. When the door was closed, the shorter man turned his attention back to him. He grinned, barely able to contain his blush at the intensity of the gaze. “Come on,” he said, grabbing Louis’ hand and leading him down the hall to his bedroom. Flopping onto the bed, he watched as the other man fiddled with the Ipod Classic hooked up to the stereo. After some frantic clicking from the dinosaur of an mp3 player, he seemed to settle on something and the distinctive sounds of “Rhiannon” filled the room. Harry laughed. 

 

“What?” Louis inquired, his lips quirking up into a smile. 

 

“I made this playlist about you. I mean, they’ve always been about you, but this one was intentional.” 

 

“That is,” Louis paused for a moment. “That is the sweetest thing in the world. I can’t believe you honestly made me a playlist. In what, 2012?” 

 

“2013, thank you very much.” Harry laughed again as Louis rolled his eyes. 

 

“Whatever, it’s still cute.” He sighed. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you liked me for so long.” He plopped down onto the bed beside him, automatically pulling the younger boy to his chest. He felt Harry shrug, more than saw it. 

 

“How could I? You always had girlfriends. Then you had, I don’t know what. But you didn’t seem like you wanted to talk about it.” With a sigh he summoned up the courage to ask the question he had been wondering about for years. “Louis, are you gay?” 

 

The older man chuckled, “Yeah, Curly. I am.” 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me? I mean, I came out to you,” he pouted. 

 

“I didn’t think I needed to.” Harry groaned. “Apparently I was wrong. I just…” Louis sighed. “I haven’t seen anyone in a couple years, not more than once at least. And you saw me go home with guys all the time. I just thought you knew. I’m sorry.” 

 

Harry thought for a few moments, looking back at the last few years. After graduation Louis really hadn’t seen anyone that he knew of--and that was nearly five years ago. And he had never had an issue accompanying him to gay bars, even seeming to really enjoy himself once he and Eleanor--his college girlfriend--had broken up. But then he never wanted to talk after doing the walk of shame into the apartment after particularly wild nights, so Harry had just assumed he was ashamed or something and never asked about it. “It’s okay,” he replied. Louis’ fingers started to comb through his unruly hair, pushing the beanie off his head. 

 

They were quiet for a few minutes before Louis spoke again. “I wasn’t like you, Harry. I didn’t figure it out early. I wasn’t even thinking about it in 6th grade, I was just thinking about soccer and skateboards. Ways to drive my sisters crazy. By the time I figured it out it felt too late. I really did like the girls I dated, I just didn’t like them that way. We were basically friends that made out during movies.” Harry peeked up at him, questions in his eyes. “What are you thinking?” 

 

“I shouldn’t ask, it’s none of my business really.” 

 

“But?” 

 

“No, really. It’s none of my business.” 

 

“Oh!” Louis exclaimed. “I think I know where you’re going with this.” Harry cringed slightly, waiting for the words. “You want to know whether or not I had sex with them and are too polite to ask.” Harry nodded stiltedly. “Not in high school. That’s why I went through so many girls. They dumped me when I wasn’t interested in them with their clothes off. Not that I blame them. It had to have stung a bit.” 

 

“But, Eleanor? Right?” 

 

Louis shrugged, “I thought I was in love. It seemed right at the time.” Harry could respect that. He’d slept with his first serious boyfriend in junior year. Louis had already left for college and while they text each other everyday, it wasn’t the same as having his best friend around 24/7. So when Nick said he loved him, it seemed to make him feel less lonely for a while. At least until he got accused of cheating and had to admit he was in love with his best friend. Not the highest point in his life. 

 

“So, what about boys?” Harry asked, propping his chin up on his hand, elbow resting on the other man’s chest. 

 

“This is starting to feel like an interrogation, Harold,” Louis replied easily. “What about guys? Do you want the dirty details of my one night stands or are you satisfied with hearing, “yes them too,’?” He laughed as Harry seemed to choke a little. “I’m kidding! A lady would never kiss and tell.” 

 

“You’re no lady, Lou. You’re not even a gentleman!” Harry teased. Louis grinned back at him. 

 

“You’ll regret that, Harold,” he said, flipping them over so he was straddling Harry. His hands started to flit down towards the younger man’s waist and began to tickle him. Harry shrieked with abandon, flailing his slightly too long limbs. “Tell me you’re sorry.” Louis was laughing almost as hard as the captive Harry, struggling to speak through it. 

 

“I’m sorry!” Harry managed to shout. 

 

“I don’t believe you!” 

 

“I’m sorry, you’re the most ladylike person I know.” Harry was gasping as the tickling finally stopped. He pulled deep breaths through his nose to slow the pounding in his chest. He hadn’t laughed like that in years. Possibly since Louis went off to college. It had certainly been a while. 

 

After they had calmed down, it became impossibly obvious that Louis was still sitting on top of him. Harry drew in a sharp breath. He watched as Louis chewed his lip, uncertainly, looking suddenly serious.

 

“Um, Harry?” 

 

He swallowed hard. “Yeah?” 

 

“Would it be weird if I asked you to be my boyfriend now?” 

 

“It would be weird if you didn’t.” Before he could even react, Louis’ lips were crashing down on his own. He was muttering “I love yous” into his mouth. Harry wrapped his arms around him, slipping them under the soft cotton t shirt that had been washed too many times, eager to feel skin. His head fell backwards onto the pillow as Louis kissed his way down to his exposed collar bone. He moaned, mouth falling open as the other man nipped at his skin. With one hand Louis began to work at the buttons on Harry’s floral shirt, struggling to get them through the tight holes. Harry slapped his hand away and undid the buttons, his hands shaking slightly, before moving down to his jeans. Louis paused his ministrations, head popping up to look him in the eyes. 

 

“Are you sure?” His voice was low with a hint of nerves. 

 

Harry blinked back for a moment. Oh. “I didn’t think we’d go all the way, but if you don’t want to do anything. I mean we did just get together. And you kind of attacked me instead of asking me to be your boyfriend so our relationship status is still a little unclear.”  He was about to continue nervously when he was cut off with a quick kiss. 

 

“Of course I want to.” Louis shifted above him, pressing his hips down into Harry’s. He really wasn’t lying. “I just want to take you out on a real date first. I mean, I usually don’t do that with guys and I want this to feel different. To  _ be _ different. I want you to know I’m serious about this. That it is more than just something physical. Is that okay?” 

 

Harry thought his heart was going to burst out of his chest. “Yes,” he breathed back, “That is definitely okay.” But, he thought, it didn’t deal with a more immediate issue. 

 

“Good.” Louis leaned in to kiss him again but was stopped by a hand on his chest. 

 

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” Harry squeaked, trying to push his way out from under him. Once free he grabbed his towel from the back of the door and nearly sprinted to the bathroom. 

 

Twenty minutes and a lot of cold water later he returned to find Louis still lying on his bed, a thick piece of paper in his hand. By the time Harry recognised it, Louis had already started to speak. “Hey, Haz? Why was there a really old picture of me under your pillow?” 

 

“Definitely not because I was looking at it like some kind of weirdo stalker today,” he suggested with a cringe. Louis barked out a laugh. 

 

“You’re not a very good stalker. You’ve had a thousand chances to kidnap me, we live together! And not once have you even tried. Tsk tsk,” he scolded, standing from the bed.  

 

“I’ll never live this one down, will I?” 

 

“Nope. Never.” He stepped closer to Harry, grabbing him by the hips and drawing him closer. He placed a bruising kiss on his lips before adding, “Call the boys and tell them to come over. Poor Liam probably has no idea about us. He’ll be grumpy if we wait too long to tell him.” 

 

“Zayn knows?” Harry inferred with surprise. 

 

“Calm down, Curly. He knew I liked you before I even did. Without him this would have taken a lot longer to figure out.” Louis smiled at him mischievously. “Besides, he’s my best friend.” 

 

Harry squawked in protest, “And what does that make me?” 

 

“My boyfriend.” 

 

“Oh. Yeah, I like that better.” 

 

“I bet you do.” 

  
  
  


Telling the boys had been surprisingly less awkward than Harry had expected. Of course Niall knew already and Zayn had his suspicions when Louis didn’t text him back with updates throughout the afternoon. That just left Liam, who was less clueless than he appeared. After a quick debriefing of the day’s events, he just laughed. 

 

“That’s your big announcement? That you two finally pulled your head out of your asses?” Liam had inquired after he calmed down. “Thank god, it was getting depressing watching you two dance around each other every day.” The other boys agreed heartily as Louis’ face twisted into a scowl. 

 

“He’s not wrong,” Harry said with a grin. “It was definitely depressing.” He snaked his arms around his boyfriend’s waist before kissing him on the cheek. Louis rolled his eyes, returning the embrace. “Quit pouting,” Harry whispered in his ear. 

 

“I’m not pouting,” Louis muttered under his breath. Harry chuckled, squeezing his hip with his large hand. Rolling his eyes, Louis relaxed into the touch. “If you’re all quite finished, I suggest we pick a movie.” He was more than a little agitated that they were making light of what he considered to be a big deal. He settled into the couch, tucking himself into the corner where the backrest met the arm. Harry sat next to him, arranging his long legs into a comfortable position leaning on his love. Louis lifted his arm for the younger man to cuddle under. It felt like years since they had sat like this on movie night and nothing could have felt more right. 

  
  
  
  


In Louis’ opinion, things were finally going right and could not get any better. He was in love with his best friend, who loved him back! They had been out on three official dates over the course of the last few weeks and really felt like they were getting into the groove of things. Going from friends to lovers felt natural and he was reveling in it. Judging by Harry’s frequent giggle fits, it seemed he was reveling in it too. Nothing could bring him down. 

 

Work was slower than normal that day. Louis had wiped down the counter probably ten times and was going to go crazy if no one walked through the door. He had begun to daydream about going home and seeing Harry, perhaps even seeing more of him than just what his clothing left uncovered when he got there. They had been taking things glacially slow and maybe it was time to kick things up a notch. He didn’t notice the thin brunette woman in front of him until she spoke. 

 

“Oh my god, Louis?” He looked up with surprise. That voice was terribly familiar. It sounded like…

 

“Eleanor?” He couldn’t believe it. “What are you doing here? I thought you had gone to California after school.” She shrugged as he made his way around the counter, leading her to a table. 

 

“I did. But then Mom got sick so I started looking for jobs back east. I found one with a marketing firm in town. How have you been, Louis?” 

 

“I’ve been great actually. I mean, I know I wasn’t when we last saw each other, and kind of wasn’t for a while after, but things are really good now.” He swallowed hard, thinking of the last time they had been in the same room. She broke through his reverie, squeezing his hand. 

 

With a smile, she said, “I’m glad. How’s Harry?” Louis’ eyes lit up at the question. 

 

“He’s good, really good. Yeah. We, ah, live together still. And stuff.” 

 

“Does that mean…?” She looked at him with a grin. He matched it. “Are you two finally together? After all of this time?” 

 

“Finally. I just, I needed some time to figure it out on my own.” Louis sighed lightly. “It’s a long story. Why don’t I get you a coffee and we can talk. I’m off in half an hour anyways. Still drinking iced skinny mochas?” 

 

“I can’t believe you remember,” she replied, shock evident in her voice. “It’s been how many years?” 

 

“At least four.” He shrugged, waving off her next comment. “Don’t worry about it. Coffee is literally my job. Good use of an English degree, am I right?” 

  
  
  


As they rounded the corner, Louis’ apartment building in sight, he could tell that Eleanor was getting nervous. She had stopped talking, allowing him to ramble on about what he’d been doing the past few years, making noises of affirmation at the appropriate times. “Well, this is us,” Louis said, opening the door to the building.

 

“Are you sure it’s okay for me to drop in like this?” Eleanor was twisting a piece of hair between her fingers. “It’s been years since I’ve seen you guys and I’m sure Harry hasn’t forgotten the terms we were on when I last saw him.” 

 

“Nonsense. He’s not exactly the type to hold a grudge, El. He’ll be happy to see you.” He had text the man in question when he got off, telling him not to go anywhere, he was bringing home a surprise. Harry had responded with enthusiasm. 

 

Entering the apartment Louis called out, “Hazza, I’m home.” The other man’s grinning face poked out of his bedroom. 

 

“What’s my surprise?” he asked gleefully. Eleanor stepped out from behind Louis and waved, cringing a little as Harry’s face fell before he plastered a fake smile over it. 

 

“Surprise!” Her enthusiasm was forced and suddenly Louis began to realise that maybe this hadn’t been the best idea. 

 

“Oh, wow. Eleanor. It’s been a hot minute.” The pair continued to exchange pleasantries while Louis began to question his life choices. Maybe putting his boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend in the same room with no warning was not a good plan. Yeah, he thought to himself, not a good plan at all. Just then, listening to the stilted conversation, it struck him: Harry never got the full story of why he and Eleanor broke up. For all he knew she could have broken his heart and he was still pining. That seemed like the type of thing Harry would make up in his silly brain. But then, it was his own fault for not discussing it with anyone. He was jerked from his thoughts when the conversation suddenly swung his way. 

 

“So, Lou,” Harry asked, his voice stiff. “How long have you known she was in town?” 

 

“About an hour.” He forced a chuckle. “She walked into Starbucks as my shift was ending. I thought it would be nice to catch up, all of us.” 

 

Harry nodded. “Right.” 

 

“I did try to tell you I was moving home,” Eleanor said. “But I never heard back after messaging you on Facebook.”  Harry coughed to cover his snort of derision. 

 

“Yeah, I haven’t used that in forever. My number is still the same, though,” Louis said with a shrug. 

 

Eleanor smiled tightly, “Oh, great. I’ll, uh, text you and we can all get a drink sometime. But I better get going. I have to do...things.” 

 

“It was great seeing you again,” Harry said. Louis wasn’t sure he liked the hint of sarcasm in his voice, but said nothing. 

 

“You too. Bye Louis. Harry.” With that she turned and left. Closing the door behind her gently. It felt to Louis as if she had taken all the air in the room with her when he turned to look at his visibly angry boyfriend. 

 

He started to speak, but Harry cut him off. “I need some air.” Louis watched helplessly as he nearly ran out the door, slamming it behind him. 

 

“Fuck,” he said aloud. This was not how he expected things to play out. 

  
  
  


Harry sped down the empty back staircase, his eyes filling with tears. Things had been going so well. Sure it was a little slow and he was dying to move things along a little, but they were together and nothing could stop that. Except, he thought, the reappearance of  _ her _ . His feet moved automatically, his mind barely conscious that they were taking him to his and Louis’ favorite park. 

 

He reached their usual bench and groaned. What a fucking nightmare, he thought. His phone buzzed, but he didn’t pull it out of his pocket. It had to be Louis. He sat down, resting his elbows on his thighs and cradling his head in his hands. He sat that way for at least ten minutes until his back started to hurt. Then his phone buzzed again. And one more time. Maybe just reading the messages wouldn’t hurt. 

 

**Lou <3: ** are you okay? 

**Lou <3: ** I’m sorry, Haz

**Lou <3: ** please come home, babe. I understand you are upset but talk to me. I love you. 

 

As he was thinking of how to respond, a new message popped up on his screen. 

 

**Lou <3: ** I can go to Zayn’s for the night if you want to be alone, but just come home. 

 

Harry read the message again, knowing just how dejected the other man was feeling. He always knew what Louis was feeling because he could never hide it, even through text message. And he was truly miserable. With a sigh Harry typed out a quick reply. He’d go home, and they’d talk, but he couldn’t be sure what would happen after that. They would have to take it one step at a time. 

  
  
  


Back at the apartment, Harry stopped right outside the door. It was quiet on the other side. He wasn’t sure he particularly wanted to go in and have this conversation, but what kind of man would he be if he ran away again? Taking a deep breath, he turned the knob and let himself in. Louis was curled up on the couch, hugging a throw pillow. He watched him jerk to a sitting position at the sound of the door. 

 

“Hi,” Harry said softly. He was still upset, but seeing his love so miserable caused his chest to ache. He walked around to the other side of the couch, settling down across from Louis, his legs pulled up in front of him like a defensive wall. He wrapped his arms around his knees. 

 

“I’m glad you came back.” Louis voice was rough, as if he was barely holding back tears. When he got no response he continued. “I’m sorry El got you so upset. I know you were never friends, but I didn’t think you hated her like that.” 

 

“I don’t hate her.” Louis scoffed in response. “Okay, maybe I do. But it’s not because of who she is. It’s what she has.” 

 

“I don’t get it.” 

 

“She has a part of you that I can never have. Your first love. Your first time. Most of your college experience. And I had to watch that for nearly four years, thinking I would never be able to have any part of you except your friendship. It was excruciating. And she knew. She knew I loved you.” 

 

“What?” Louis asked in disbelief. 

 

“Yeah, we talked about it one night. It was after a big game and we were waiting in the stands for the crowd to clear to meet up with you. She turned to me and said it, plain as day. ‘I know you’re in love with him, Harry.’ It was humiliating. She patronized me. Told me someday it would all work out, as if I was supposed to just take her word for it. It wasn’t long after that night that you two broke up.” 

 

“I can’t believe she didn’t tell me.” Louis was in utter shock. 

 

“Well, yeah. I begged her not to. It would have only made me even more embarrassed to have my best friend know I was crushing on them.” Harry shook his head in disgust. 

 

“No,” Louis replied. “You don’t understand.” 

 

“What don’t I understand, because it is all pretty clear to me. She dumped you, you were miserable for weeks, and then suddenly you were asking me to get an apartment off campus with you like everything was normal again, only you were sans girlfriend for the first time in years and wouldn’t talk about the break up. She broke your heart.” 

 

Louis frowned. “I’m sorry. It’s just...you don’t understand why we broke up. She didn’t dump me. It was a mutual decision, but ultimately my choice in the end.” 

 

“That doesn’t make sense.” 

 

“I can explain it.” Harry nodded, waiting to hear what had better be a good explanation for his years of heartache. “You remember how we’d been fighting towards the end? It wasn’t over her going to California after graduation. I mean, that was part of it, but the real catalyst was that she was tired of me phoning in our relationship. There was nothing physical in it anymore because I just got tired of pretending. Even holding her hand had started to feel uncomfortable. I was tired of living a lie and felt she deserved better than me. So I told her that, finally. I told her I was pretty sure I was gay but that I wasn’t sure I was ready to be out and proud.” 

 

“It’s not like you’re out and proud now,” Harry pointed out. It frustrated him just how private Louis was willing to keep his personal life, while Harry had come out at 12 and nearly every day since, to the point where he was slipping his orientation into everyday conversation. As if his gold lam é boots didn’t say it for him. Where Harry was camp and bright colors, Louis was hoodies and hiding himself away in low lit rooms. 

 

“I’m trying, Harry.” Louis’ voice was firm and for the first time, Harry actually believed him about this. 

 

“I’m sorry, I know you are, Lou. That wasn’t fair of me.” He offered the older man a small smile and his face softened. “What was her reaction?” 

 

“Laughter. Which made me pretty damn salty. Here I was pouring out my fears and disappointments and she laughed in my face.” He noticed fire pooling in Harry’s eyes and reached out to pat his knee. “Calm down, tiger. It turns out she was laughing at the circumstances, not at me. Especially considering what you said. She kissed my cheek and offered to play beard as long as I wanted her to once she was done having her moment.” He sighed. “She must have had suspicions about how I feel for you to say something like that to you. I just can’t help but think how much would be different if she’d just told me and I’d realised I loved you then.” 

 

Harry shook his head. “You weren’t ready. But, one more thing. This doesn’t explain the piss poor mood you were in for weeks after.” 

 

“Oh, yeah. That was me adjusting to life without someone to hide behind. I was trying to figure out who I was with no one to talk to, no guidance. I didn’t know how to be a gay man in the 21st century. Until this point I may as well have been living in the 1950s.” 

 

“You would have had me,” Harry whispered, dejected. 

 

“It was so close to finals that I didn’t want to worry you with my issues. And then you were picking classes for your junior year and we were moving off campus. It just didn’t seem like a good time.” He sighed heavily. “I really am sorry I didn’t tell you outright. It wasn’t fair to make you guess.” 

 

“You’re right, it wasn’t. But I forgive you. On one condition.” 

 

“Anything, Haz.” 

 

“Please don’t keep something this big from me ever again. If we want this to work out between us we have to be honest with each other. I love you, but I won’t live in uncertainty any longer. Either we are friends or we are boyfriends. No more of this in between shit.” 

 

“Deal,” Louis said with a smile. He spread out his arms, inviting Harry to cuddle into him. His invitation was accepted, and after a few awkward limb flails, the taller man settled into him, head pillowed on his chest. He leaned down and nuzzled into the brown curls, placing a kiss on them. After a while Harry’s breathing started to even out. Louis rubbed his back, whispering, “Baby, let’s go to bed. Come on now, up.” Large, sleepy green eyes blinked up at him in confusion. 

 

“‘M comfy,” he grumbled, his voice low. 

 

“Too bad. I’m not going to carry you so you better stand up,” Louis threatened. With a grunt the other man shuffled to his feet, hugging Louis once he too was standing. “Let’s go.” 

 

They shuffled awkwardly into Harry’s bedroom. Louis laid him down, before pulling off his boots and toeing off his own sneakers. Harry was out again almost instantly. Laying down beside him, Louis felt fully at peace for the first time since their stupid argument had started earlier in the day. Arranging the tall man’s limbs into a more comfortable position, he placed a soft kiss on his lips. Harry smiled in his sleep and cuddled closer. There was no way that Louis was going to leave that room until morning. At which point he would beg for Harry to make him pancakes. Yeah, he thought, they were going to be just fine. 

**Author's Note:**

> The playlist that Harry made for Louis can be found [HERE](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/338iyftTxfp04OVk1DD1or?si=D59onQhKSVqCNCL7pyy40A)
> 
> I hope you liked it!


End file.
